Thursday, March 28, 2019

The Resolution will not be televised

Screengrab from
Half A Life - Paramount
Personal Log, Lwaxana Troi Stardate 44805.3

Entry 4:

Well, this trip is turning out a bit differently than I had expected.

First of all, this Dr. Timicin — well, when I first saw him, I just thought he would be a bit of fun, but I’ve had to spend a lot of time actually speaking with him, since his race can’t be read telepathically. At first I found it exhausting, but the more we talk, the more I find out about him, in a far richer manner than I had ever thought possible. He’s utterly fascinating, and I look forward to each new meeting. I just wish he didn’t have so much work to do; it keeps getting in the way!

At the same time, I’m looking at all of the clothes Mister Homn packed for me on this trip, and I find it all so garish. I mean, I’m sure I liked it all when we left, but it’s all so showy. I’m having to really work to find anything dignified. Has my wardrobe always been like this?

Timicin says I make him laugh. Me — daughter of the Fifth House, holder of the Sacred Chalice of Rixx, heir to the Holy Rings of Betazed. I feel like I might have once found that insulting; instead, it makes me very, very happy. I can’t remember the last time I felt this way. Should I be worried?

Entry 5:

I am so furious I could just scream!

Poor Timicin. His day did not go very well, so I went to console him. His life’s work just backfired! But I was at a loss as to what to say, how to act. I tried distracting him with the story of how that Rigellian astronomer named a star after me; that usually goes over so well. Then I realized that he really needed to be alone, so I got up to leave, but he asked me to stay. He was clearly heartsick.

Then he told me he was going home to die. Well, I was shocked but thought maybe the doctors here on the Enterprise could help him — but guess what? Turns out he’s not sick.

His people have this barbaric ritual they call the Resolution. Timicin is to go home, be celebrated for his many achievements and his years of service and love to his family, and then he is to kill himself. Just like that! I mean really, how can he possibly do that?

The Captain was of absolutely no help when I demanded he intervene; his idiotic Starfleet rules mean he can’t do anything about it! Well, I’m not part of Starfleet. I’m doing something about it myself; I don’t care how it looks.

Entry 6:

I thought I’d box the ears of that stupid Science Minister B’Tardat, but Chief O’Brien wouldn’t beam me down to the surface, and none of my protests would budge him. Luckily for him, Deanna came to talk to me.

Turns out she remembers me crying when her father died. I had no idea, my little angel. And then I realized that I’m thinking about Timicin in the same way as I once thought of Andrew. It hardly seems possible that I might have grown so close so quickly to anyone, but Deanna has made me realize — I love this man. I love him, and he’s going to go home and just die.

What kind of a society would ask this of their people? How can such a wonderful, vital man have possibly come from such a twisted culture?

Maybe I can change his mind. I’ve got to try.

Entry 7:

I’m not sure if I’ve made any kind of difference, but I went to see Timicin to try to talk him out of submitting to this Resolution thing. Even with it hanging over his head, he was still working on his calculations, still trying to save these barbaric people who want him to die. My heart just burst for him, and I didn’t need to read his mind to see he wanted to kiss me — because he did. And more. What a wonderful evening, even with such sorrow hanging heavy on us.

That didn’t stop the discussion, of course, just postponed it. We kept talking afterwards, and I maintained my calm during the whole thing (who have I become?) and listened to his argument, that he was brought up to believe the Resolution is a kindness, relieving the elders in their society from the fear of growing old, feeble and meaningless.

Well, from his point of view, it’s sort of a good point, and I can see his belief is strong and real. But what about the fact that it’s set for a mandatory, arbitrary age — 60, when so many people are still active, healthy and productive! It just seems selfish to me, and I told him so. (I said I was calm, not stupid.)

He didn’t appreciate me pointing out that his grandson would never know him and probably wouldn’t live to his own Resolution if their planet’s problem couldn’t be solved.

Fine, I thought, and told him about the horrible wigs Betazed women used to wear, the ones with the poor little animals in them and how someone finally pointed out how awful it was and that was all it took — couldn’t he be that voice for his people?

That also went nowhere.

I just don’t know what else to do. This wonderful man is going to kill himself, and there’s nothing I can do to change it.

Entry 8:

Timicin has come around! He told me he had discovered something that might make his work viable again (and yes, I was interested in hearing about his work; I’m a stranger to myself at this point) and realized that he would have to live to see it through. But it wasn’t just the work — he said the example I’ve shown him makes him want to live, to continue his work, to be an example for his people.

But their refusal to accept his work is leaving him without a home. He can stay with me; I’ll be his home.

Entry 9:

Well that was awkward.

Timicin just had a very emotional meeting with his daughter Dara and insisted I stay (if there was any question about his feelings for me, they’re gone now). I was happy to meet her, but she was clearly not happy to meet me. She kept talking to him like he was a feeble old man, saying that his work was over and it was time for him to rest.

I couldn’t hold my tongue and told her how idiotic this ritual was — and that was really the wrong way to go. Dara laid into me over it. Maybe I was a bit harsh; I should have tried to reason with her about this from her point of view, but I just couldn’t do it.

In the end, she basically made her anguished father cry by telling him she was ashamed of him for throwing away his culture, and then she was gone. I wanted to console him, but he asked that I leave him be for a while.

This really threw me off axis, and I was afraid I had been wrong to encourage him to defy his people’s beliefs, that maybe I only did it so I wouldn’t be alone. And my darling daughter later told me of course I did — but that it wasn’t wrong. Rituals, she said, maintain the structure in society, whether they’re objectively good or bad rituals.

This one’s clearly bad, of course, and any reasonable society would see that — but maybe I need to let it go and just be here for him.

Entry 10:

Timicin came to see me, and he’s decided to go back... and I’m not surprised. He’s too gentle a soul to lead his people in a new direction. He loves me, but that alone is not enough. This is goodbye.

Or maybe not. He said that his loved ones join him at the Resolution. My disagreement with this custom does not lessen my feelings for him.

I’m going to have Mister Homn pack me a small bag. Nothing fancy.

- HEATHER MURRAY is a daughter of the Third House, holder of the Sacred Tumbler of Vodka, heir to the Many Shelves of Milkglass.

The Resolution will not be televised was my third book-published piece, part of Outside In Makes It So: 174 New Perspectives on 174 Star Trek TNG Stories by 174 Writers, published by ATB Publishing and available online and in bookstores. I’m among some wonderful writers here, and they’re not all simple reviews — included are gossip columns, newspaper ads, scripts, recipes, and even a daily log from Riker’s beard. A lot of fun, pick it up!

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